picky

I am way too picky for someone with my looks.

Yesterday, I received an email from someone I had been talking to in a dating type way a couple of months ago. She sent me one of those “I just wanted to check in on you” emails. I didn’t mind. I thought it was rather nice. We were supposed to meet for  a date…twice. She flaked…twice. There was not going to be a third. I wished her luck.

She sent a picture to me during the ending texts. I felt relieved because I did not find her attractive at all, so our not meeting saved me a few hours of pretending. She looked old. We’re the same age. Well, I’m actually a few months older than her, but she looks way older than me and I look old. She was wearing shades and she had old lady hands. I was not upset about that one at all.

I also won’t date anyone larger than me. 150lbs is my limit. I tried it, but didn’t like it. I was going with this one chick last year who was fatter than me. She was about 5’1 and over 200lbs. “Give it a chance.” I told myself. “Stop being so picky.” I told myself. “You like talking to her. Who cares about weight?” I asked myself. Apparently, I do. I hadn’t even realized that all of the women I had dated were smaller than me.

When we hugged I couldn’t get my arms around her. When I back hugged her and went to put my hand in her panties to feel around I couldn’t get to her pussy because her tummy was in the way. I tried lifting it, but just couldn’t get to it. That had never happened before. I didn’t know what to do. I remember her laying on me our first night together. I couldn’t breathe. I felt bad for the women I had been with. And when we spooned I couldn’t really maneuver to finger her from that position. It was one of my favorites.

Going down on her was okay, but I remember looking up and only being able to see the mountain of flesh that was her stomach. I couldn’t see her face at all. With other girls I could look up and see them playing with their tits or something. See the expression on their faces. I fought with myself to get it out of my head, but I didn’t like it at all.

Also her lips were so thin and she was a terrible kisser. She never moved her head. It just stayed tilted in that one position. This woman was 36 years old! She had been in a relationship for nearly 10 years yet, she kissed like someone who had never done it before. I remember the first night we kissed, I kept going in for more kisses because I was trying to get a feel for her. Later that night she said that was the first time anyone had tried to kiss her more than once. Oh my god I had to contain my laughter. I wanted to say, “No one has ever gone back because you are God awful at it.” Geez.

The last night we were together I remember her going to her closet for something and that was the first time I had a really good view of her. Yikes! She was wearing granny panties and holy shit did she look fat. She was on her knees rooting around in her closet for something and I was cringing the whole time. It was awful.

pickypickypicky

Well, the top half is accurate.

I have dismissed for almost anything: I don’t like their name. They’re too fat. Too skinny. Hair too short. Too long. I don’t like their voice. They have blue eyes. They’re blonde. Their nose looks too pointy. Their eyes are too big. They look too manly. They wear too much make up. Their lips are too thin. Their lips are too thick. Their skin is too dark. Their skin is too pale. They send me a picture of them doing one of those bathroom poses with their butts sticking out and their leg bent. They are doing duck lips in a picture. They wear mom jeans. They use the word “literally”. They use the word “like” more than once in ten minutes. They text in abbreviations. *shudder* Their eyebrows are not on point.The list goes on.

I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.

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